How to Support a Friend Who’s a Carer
🌍 You Don’t Need to Fix It — Just Show Up
When someone you love becomes a carer, everything shifts — for them and for you.
They start juggling endless responsibilities, strange schedules, and a kind of emotional load that’s invisible to most people. The texts get shorter. The calls less frequent. Plans often end with, “I’ll have to see how things are that day.”
And if you’re the friend, it can feel confusing. You want to help, but you don’t know how. You don’t want to say the wrong thing. You don’t want to intrude.
But here’s the truth: carers don’t need you to fix things.
They just need you to show up — quietly, consistently, and kindly.
Here’s how you can do that, in ways that really matter.
💬 1️⃣ Listen — Really Listen
The most powerful support you can give is your attention.
Carers are used to everyone asking about the person they care for — but not about them.
So when you ask, “How are you — really?” don’t rush the answer. Let silence hang. Give them time to breathe and be honest.
You don’t need to offer advice or tidy up their feelings with solutions. Sometimes, the best thing you can say is:
“That sounds really hard. I’m glad you told me.”
Listening without trying to fix builds trust and gives carers something they rarely get — space to simply exist as themselves.
If they’re part of Peopleoo, you can even say, “You don’t have to tell me everything. Maybe write about it in your Circle — you might find someone who’s been through it too.”
💛 2️⃣ Offer Help That’s Real (Not Theoretical)
We’ve all said it: “Let me know if you need anything.”
But here’s the secret — carers almost never will.
Pride, guilt, and habit make asking for help hard. That’s why practical, specific offers make all the difference.
Try this instead:
“I’m at the shop — what can I pick up for you?”
“Can I sit with your dad on Tuesday so you can take a walk?”
“I’m making a big chilli — want a portion?”
You’re removing the pressure of decision-making and offering something tangible.
Even better? Follow through. A cuppa dropped off at the door says, “I see you” louder than any text ever could.
💡 3️⃣ Remember Their World Looks Different Now
Caring changes everything — sleep patterns, finances, social life, even how someone sees themselves.
So when they cancel last-minute or stop replying for a few days, try not to take it personally. It’s not distance — it’s depletion.
Be the friend who adapts instead of disappearing.
If they can’t go out, bring the coffee to them. If long phone calls are too much, send a voice note or a funny photo. Connection doesn’t have to be complicated — it just has to be kind.
In Peopleoo Circles, carers talk a lot about how much it means when friends keep showing up — even in small ways. Because when the world shrinks, a familiar voice can make it feel bigger again.
💛 4️⃣ Celebrate the Quiet Wins
Care can feel invisible — long days, thankless tasks, and little recognition.
That’s where you come in.
When your friend tells you something small like,
“Mum ate properly today,” or
“We got through the appointment without tears,”
don’t brush it off. Celebrate it.
Say, “That’s amazing. You’re doing such a brilliant job.”
Or if they’re on Peopleoo, post a Special Mention or an “Ooo” for them. It’s the digital version of a hug that says, I see you, and you matter.
Because sometimes, one moment of appreciation can carry someone through a really hard week.
💬 5️⃣ Help Them Protect Their Own Space
Caring doesn’t stop. Even when the person they care for is asleep, their mind is still switched on.
If you can, gently encourage them to rest — to take even a sliver of time for themselves without guilt.
You could say:
“I’ll sit with your partner for half an hour — go have that bath.”
“You’ve not eaten properly today, let’s get a takeaway.”
“You deserve a proper break — not the ‘I’ll-do-laundry-while-I-rest’ kind.”
On Peopleoo, carers often share tips on boundaries and balance — because rest isn’t luxury; it’s maintenance. And sometimes, it takes a friend to remind them of that.
💛 6️⃣ Don’t Fade Away When Things Get Tough
Long-term care can feel isolating — not just for the carer, but for their relationships. Friends sometimes drift away because they don’t know what to say, or they assume the carer’s “too busy.”
Don’t be that friend. Be the one who stays.
Keep checking in, even when replies are short. Drop a postcard, a funny meme, or a “thinking of you” text. It doesn’t need to be grand — it just needs to be steady.
When the caring journey feels endless, consistent kindness is a lifeline.
🌱 Friendship Is a Form of Care
You don’t need qualifications, training, or all the right words to support a carer. You just need empathy, patience, and a willingness to keep showing up.
Because at its core, caring is about connection — and that’s something we can all offer.
So the next time you think, “I don’t know what to do,” remember:
You already do. You just have to be there.